


Blood on my Hands, Pain in my Heart

by Rikerbabe



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 18:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13324203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikerbabe/pseuds/Rikerbabe
Summary: Hannibal's thoughts on losing his beloved Will from the injuries he had received from "The Tooth Fairy" at the end of the series.





	Blood on my Hands, Pain in my Heart

My poor Will...

I didn't want you to suffer any further, I had hoped that you would understand....

Your injuries were too severe, the risk of detection was too great...that's why I couldn't seek help....I tried to take care of you to the best of my limited abilities, here in our cabin in the woods. Unfortunately you ran a fever and the wounds became infected. With the limited supplies I had on hand, I couldn't save you. I had to watch you suffer in pain, pain that I also felt deep in my tattered soul. You mercifully blacked out and slept a great deal, leaving me to watch over you.

How I fought sleep...to stay awake at your side, and to offer some comfort...but that wasn't enough...

Your whimpers of pain tore my heart in two....I held you to me, whispering what comfort I could into your ear while you moaned low in your throat. If I could have taken your pain, my darling I would have if only to spare you.....

After four days, your breathing became softer and I knew that soon you would leave me... forever...

I held you as the darkness started to disperse, and the sun began to rise over the treetops. You had held on that night, but I knew that you wouldn't see another dawn again. Cradling you against me, I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to slip down my face but failed. I gently rocked you, whispering "I love you" over and over hoping that you would hear them and know that I do love you. It was my desire that those three little words would be the last that you would ever hear and know that they were true.

You moved against me and I glanced down to see you smiling gently, your breathing labored as you whispered "I know...I love you too, Hannibal" before you closed your eyes and leaned back against me. I held you tighter as I felt your soul slipping away from me, the tears now freely running down my face. I watch as the sun started to shine into the window, the silence of the cabin deafening in my ears. Glancing down at you, I felt it in my heart that you were gone leaving me to grieve the rest of my days.

Lowering you gently back down onto the bed that we shared, I gently kiss your forehead and slip to my knees at the bedside crying openly now, my sobs the only sound.

How can I live without you?

_Epilogue....Ten years later_

I spent months and months wandering the world, trying to forget the pain and the emptiness that was once you, my sweet Will. I went to Rome, Vienna, London, Moscow, even Paris but you were everywhere. I saw you on the street, in the theatre, the concert halls, at the balls I attended....everywhere. There was no one who could take your place at my side, so I remained alone all those years wishing I had died with you. Your memory was the only thing that kept me going, you see. I still dreamt of you at night, the feel of your skin next to mine and the softness of your lips. My tears would flow down my cheeks and the pain would always be there in the morning.

Jack and the FBI gave up on finding us after a year, my sweet boy...I wish you could have been there with me when the announcement was made. We would have been able to start anew here in Europe, the two of us with the rest of our lives together. I kept the promise I made to you....I haven't hunted in a long while and I will not break that promise. The old life is not a relief to me now, only the desire to be with you again is the relief that I'm seeking. To hold you again, to make love to you....

I am ill now....the doctors have told me that I don't have much longer to live...I welcome death and her eternal embrace now more than ever...To be reunited with you, my love....

Will you be there to receive me in your arms, Will? Will you be the one to hold me, kiss me breathless like you used to? Or will I be in darkness, lost and separated from you?

I am yours.....forever......

**Author's Note:**

> TOLD you I suck at summaries! This takes place right after they fall over the cliff and somehow get rescued. They were still in the US so it would have been really hard for Hannibal to get Will some help. He had the very basic medical supplies so that 's why Will didn't survive. Hannibal couldn't have left Will alone for too long if he had left for supplies and they had made their way to a cabin in the woods far from a city anyway....
> 
> My apologies for this being kinda short, but it needed to be written pretty fast since the muses wanted it out to the public's viewing pleasure....blame them if you want to!
> 
> Comments, suggestions, complaints....grumbles accepted....


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